“Ma’ I been waiting for this moment all my life…….ALL MY LIFE.”-Boutzie’
Feels weird writing a post at night, but the rest of the world is quiet and I can focus. For the last couple of months, I have been low key. Technically I have been low key all of my life. Rarely ever speaking about my gifts, skills, talents, and abilities. Always downplaying who I am and what I am. Trying to fit in and hide behind crowds that were not for me. Allowing depression to creep up into my spirit. After all the fighting and pounding my head against the wall, I have officially embraced my true self.
I have remained in the shadows for the last three years. Hustling and trappin’ ( as my mom would say ). Busting my butt trying to get life popping for myself. It seemed like a never ending cycle of “what ifs” and “maybe nots”. Wondering if this calling and purpose on my life were worth the trouble of restless nights. Was this for me? Or was I fooling myself? Then a voice from God came into my spirit. Telling me that I got this. Everything has been perfect timing and nothing was out of order; except me. Once I got myself together and started to really tap into my ability and strength, things began to change. I thought I would be 40 years old when this self-awareness/realization would kick in. Here I am, at 25, getting ready to blossom because I am very clear and aware of who I am.
I came into this world born into chaos and confusion. Fighting through the emotional and mental abuse. Overcoming the trials and tribulations of life. Understanding the legacy that I am creating. Knowing that I am a force to be reckoned with. Finally letting the fire blaze and not caring who does not like it. No longer feeling the feeling of missing a particular person because they did not live up to the expectations you had for them. No longer feeling lonely because those you have interacted with do not get you. No longer feeling ashamed for being a preacher’s kid because if it was not for the church I would not be here. No longer feeling those doubtful feelings. The dragonfly has emerged and the change has come knocking.
Everything that I have gone through and been through has positioned me for this moment. Nothing from the past can taint me now. It no longer has the power that it once had. Gone are the days where anger and frustration would get the best of me. Gone are the days where fear would cripple me. Welcome to the days that will be filled with laughter and joy. Moments of bliss and prosperity. Where every day feels like the weekend.
I have been hibernating. I have been chilling. But the glow up bout’ to be real.
I got this. I’m ready for this.