“I don’t consider myself an artist because that label doesn’t define me.”-Boutzie’
For the first time on this here blog of mines, I am writing about myself for myself. It’s a therapeutic session that has been long overdue. I just felt the need to share with you all how I see myself when it comes to what I create and produce.
I always had to find an outlet to release certain emotions. Emotions that I have learned to overcome and deal with. Emotions that at one point in time kept me bound and shackled. As a kid, I dealt with abuse, humiliation, and rejection. I would often escape this reality by watching movies and envisioning myself in those movies. I would sing along to the songs and repeat lines as if I was the actor. My reality was not something I would wish on my worst enemy, but it was the reality that paved the way for me to be creative.
My temper and anger as a kid were a result of not being heard or seen. I always felt that no one was listening to me or what I felt. I would take that into myself and keep it bottled up. And all those emotions would eventually spill out if something finally pulled the trigger. As a kid, I knew I had to work on this because if not, then it would hurt me later down the road.
So I started doodling on paper, mail, books, walls and anything just to get what was trapped on the inside out. After doing it, I would feel a sense of relief. Reading became my everyday norm. I would read to know, see, understand and translate. If I wanted to know how to do something or be something I would read about it. I became so fascinated with reading that I started to write. And that is where my creative journey started.
From that point, I started going to the library and picking up art books. I would mostly gravitate to modern and contemporary art. I would then write stories based around the art that I was viewing. I was able to translate my thoughts onto paper based on what I was seeing. I knew that I found something that was hearing and listening to me. I knew that this creative outlet was a gift from God.
My work is not something that I promote. I never make it for profit because its personal. My sketches, drawings, paintings, or any other art is “personal “. I created those pieces from a place of solitude and darkness. My work reflects my inner thoughts which tell so many stories. Stories of pain, rejection, struggles and triumph. There is never a concept behind the piece because it was created in that moment. Hence why, I never called myself an artist.
My work tells the story of a girl who was once lost and confused. Abused and treated with so much disregard, but she overcame that. She found an outlet to sing, draw, dance, and paint. And in the midst of all that she grew.
I am not an artist. Just a person who just likes to be creative to release the demons. And because I have kept that principle with me; my intentions are always pure when I create.