“Yeah I am a preacher’s kid and listen to trap music”-Boutzie’
The above quote and picture basically describes who I am as a person. Yes, I am a preacher’s kid, and yes I listen to trap music. Yes, I like to spend time in my room singing and dancing to music. Riding around in my car and jamming. Discovering new music that speaks to my soul just as God does. And free enough to know the balance between the two.
I became a preacher’s kid 20 years ago. My mother was called and chosen by God to speak and preach the gospel according to his word. As a kid growing up, I did not understand this ( now that I am older I do) and why she had to become a preacher. When you are ordained as a preacher, you are then put under a spotlight. Everything that you do and say becomes ammunition for you to be judge, criticize and ridicule by the people. Not only do you endure that, but your family as well does. For me, this was the story.
Growing up I hated being a preacher’s kid. I did not like the spotlight nor did I like the constant judgemental stares. I always felt as though my life was not my own. Everything I did was in the shadow of my mother’s calling. I would often be referred to as “Minister” such and such daughter. All the things I said and did were constantly coming under attack and I started to resent my mother. I never had the chance to breathe and just be me. I felt that I could not be me in the church because of the position of my mother.
I did not have a relationship with God when I was growing up in the church world. I just went to church because that was what my mother wanted. I would sit in the services and attend any other functions upon my mother’s request. I would count the minutes to when service would be over and I could go home. I rarely participated in any of the ministries at church due to my interest level. If it did not interest me, then I did not join.
Outside of the church world very few people knew who I was. They did not know me as a preacher’s kid. They simply knew me as me. I can say now that I was ashamed to be a PK kid. I wanted to have my own life without being overshadowed by my mother’s calling. I found things in the world that helped me cope. I found art and music to be my escape of all my realities. I would grab my pen and start scribbling anything. I would sing along to my favorite song and pretend I was on stage. Anything to just escape my reality. In those moments, I was free and it was the best natural high I ever felt.
I learned now to balance all three of my lives. I cannot put aside the fact that I grew up in the church world. I just cannot ignore that major milestone that took place in my life. It was because of my mom’s calling that I understand major religions. It was her calling that saved our family from destruction. Her calling is the reason why I turned out so good. A young woman with morals and principles that are rooted in faith. If she did not go into the church world I would not have a mother right now.
My mom understands who I am today. Even when sometimes I think she doesn’t, she accepts me for who I am. When she gets into my car and hears all the hood, trap, rock, pop, and odd music, there is no judgment. She gets that our lives are separate and that there are two different callings on our lives. I get it now because there is a purpose for my life and I have been chosen by God. All of my blessings stem from God to her.
So yeah I am a preacher’s kid who likes trap music ( or secular music). I’m also a preacher’s kid who knows not to make music her God, but to find a balance. My mother has taught me so much from her calling. To trust in God and to know that when he calls you it’s for a greater purpose beyond you.
Thank’s Ma’ for being obedient. We literally started from the bottom. And because of God and you; we are here. Saved and safe.
And going with faith.